Beautiful.

2015-07-20 06.08.54In 2005, Justin, the youngest of my three sons, was 5 years old. Their dad and I had divorced in 2002 and we both were remarried. We had joint custody, so the boys would split their stays between their dad’s home and mine.

One of the hardest parts when going through the divorce was realizing that the boys were not going to be with me 24/7. As any parent would, I had a difficult time adapting to the constant goodbyes and separations. My boys were having the same difficulty since they were the ones that had to go back and forth between homes and adapt quickly to the change of dynamics between families.

I always wondered how much the boys missed me and how much they understood about parents having to compromise and to give-in, even if they wished they didn’t have to when a divorce happens.

One Friday as I picked them up from their dad’s place, Justin said that he had a song for me.  He told me that the day before, he and his brothers were riding in the van with their dad and their new family, when a song came on the radio and made him think of me. He was very excited to show me the song and could hardly wait to get home. As soon as we arrived, Justin got on the computer and searched for the song. He wanted to play it for me. He sat on my lap, held my face and sang along with the song. He knew the words by heart.

The song he was singing to me was the song “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt. 2015-07-20 06.10.01It was brand new on the radio at that time.

The song lyrics tell the story of a man who sees a woman in a crowd from a distance. They made eye contact, smiled, but nothing else. He mentions that his love for her is pure, that she looks like an angel to him. In the song, he repeats that she is beautiful.

The song meant a lot to Justin, and from that point on, to me, as well. In many ways, it reflected a part of the life that Justin and I were living. The fact that a five year old could identify with the meaning was impressive and touching to me.

As Justin was singing this song, every time he sang the refrain of “You are beautiful”, he would hold my face and look directly into my eyes. He made sure that I was looking into his eyes as well. Listening to little Justin sing those words while looking at me with so much love in his eyes…I was overwhelmed with his demonstration of his love… I started crying. My tears were pouring down my face like a broken faucet!

Justin was shocked to see my reaction. He thought that his song had made me sad. I reassured him that his song and singing hadn’t made me sad. I explained to him that his actions had moved me deeply, that he made me so happy, and that what I was feeling was his intense love and gratitude. I gave him a storm of kisses and hugged him so tightly. As soon as I released him from my embrace, he assumed a proud satisfied attitude and was radiating a feeling of accomplishment… all so cute to me!

20160428_160729Justin realized, that his actions had created a beautiful emotion in me and it made him feel good. He liked it! In the weeks that followed, Justin would try to recreate that moment we had shared.

I would be vacuuming or sweeping the floors, while he and his brothers were playing. If the song started playing on the radio, within seconds of hearing the opening bars of “You’re Beautiful”, Justin would recognize the song, stop whatever he was doing, jump up and run to find me.

He would come to place himself right below my nose intently staring up at me with his big brown eyes looking straight into my eyes. Those two gorgeous and innocent brown eyes, as big as they could get, would dart back and forth between my right and my left eye…back and forth…back and forth. He was completely fixated and analyzing mine, waiting, looking, searching for my tears, hoping for my emotions to show again. It was so innocent and cute to see him looking for that moment in my eyes that gave my emotions away. I adored it.

For sure, every time that Justin did this, he gave me an emotion, although each time it was different: the first time there were abundant tears from experiencing his overwhelming love, the second time it was amazement and joy looking at his anxious face, the third time I would laugh and giggle to see him trying again. Regardless of how many times he tried and how different I reacted, the feeling of love was always present.

Because of this experience with Justin, I am more careful now with my actions and my words . I consciously do my best to use them to lift up friends and family. Just like Justin made me feel with “his” song, I want to make people feel valued, loved and beautiful.

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Photos by Sandi Gamblin

Editing by Randall Gamblin.  For editing info and work please email randallgamblin@gmail.com

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